Patience is a Virtue (that I Don't Have)

I am not the best at being patient in various situations. I see a goal, and I run towards it. A week ago I met someone that said the "right" things and seemed to be what my heart has recently been longing for. Instead of waiting to see if that person was in God's will for me, I jumped in fully. Oh man, sometimes when I just assume God's will for my life and slam open a possible door, I believe that God just lets me have what I think I want. He definitely did in this instance to remind me to wait on Him and be patient in this season of my life.

Anyways, this guy seemed nice and great at first. He probably will be great for some other girl, but not me. I would describe the whole thing as a fling, but does talking even count? Who knows. Well, various jokes, comments, and then a whole discussion made me realize that I am DEFINITELY not ready for any kind of relationship, especially with him. I think that the final straw for me was when he made a joke out of something that my ex had given me. Oh guys, I was ticked. He didn't know where I had gotten the object, but I wasn't going to let him ruin a beautiful memory for me with a joke. Oh, and Winry didn't like him, so it was definitely NOT going to work.

Through the whole week of knowing this person, I have realized that I just need to heal and wait. And that is fine. I still feel dumb and like an idiot to believe in love again, but I will be okay.

Yesterday Taylor Swift released her newest album. It is beautiful, and one of her best albums to date. At the end of one of her songs she says "I wanna be defined by the things I love, not the things I hate, not the things that I'm afraid of, not the things that haunt me in the middle of the night. I just think that you are what you love." That really hit me.

I am what I love, and I want to be defined by that. So here are a few things that I love and am passionate about.

I love God. He is teaching me a lot in this current season of life. And I know that He has something in store for me if He is so insistent on fixing various parts of my life.

I love my friends here. I have four women who are just plain amazing. These women have been so honest and supportive through everything. I would do just about anything for them. I really believe that every woman needs a strong group of women friends. These girls are the sisters I never had. I have guy friends that make me laugh uncontrollably and threaten to mess with anyone who crosses me. I have friends who remind me to focus on the good and happiness in life rather than the bad. I am so blessed by these people here.

I love my parents. I'm thankful that my father will still let me call him about whatever breaks in my apartment and to let me talk about boys. I'm thankful for my mom's support and encouragement. She helps me stay connected with the rest of my family while I'm away at school.

I love my bearded dragon, Winry. He's a bit spoiled, but he's my little pet. He keeps me eating vegetables regularly, which is good for a stressed-out medical student.

I love being outside. I love photography and capturing moments. I already have some ideas for my next photography project, and I am SO excited (if I have time). I love going to new places and experiencing new things. I love Roman history and learning new things. I love laughter, and Christmas lights, and music, and just making people smile. I love light and so many more things.

I want to be remembered by the things I love, not by the things that I dislike. I want to be remembered as a happy person in general. I want to enjoy every second of life, and that is more of a choice than just a goal for me.

Dear life, I am all in. Dear God, I'm waiting, and I'm going to soak up everything I can in this amazing season here in Dothan and beyond.

I love you all. May you focus on what you love this week.

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